my heart.

if you've read my blog for any length of time you know that i'm a server at a restaurant...and if you're new, you know now.

working in the service industry is hard. really hard. like makes me cry some days it's so hard.
to be honest, people are just mean.
and rude.
and at some point i'll write a post about how much you control your servers day when you sit down at a table.
and yes, i prefer the term "server" over waitress. makes me think of denny's {insert smiley face here}.

some days i just come home and cry to my sweet husband about the day i've had. the tables that left me 10% on a big check. the woman who poked me to get my attention. the old man that was so rude, and made me want to ask if he had grandchildren, and what would he do if someone was this rude to them. the co-worker who spends every night partying and i don't have the courage to tell them that Jesus loves them and they need to know Him. the manager who makes inappropriate comments. the woman who left me no tip.

the question of when i get to quit this job and be full time in photography always comes up. my patience is really dwindling. honestly.

but then i read things like this:

"your life that may feel so insignificant at times may just be right for the kingdom and have an impact far beyond what the world (and you) can see with your eyes."

-holley gerth, you're made for a God-sized dream

insignificant doesn't even begin to cover it.
smaller than an ant at times.

but He's working it through His timing.
i'm learning that the closer i grow to the Lord, the less bad days i have. knowing and realizing that working in this restaurant right now is where He has me...for a reason. i'll get the courage to tell that person about Jesus. that no tip, well maybe she needed that money more than i do.
my heart is changing.

it's hard of course. and it's a super slow process. yesterday i was there for 9 1/2 hours. and you can bet that some of those hours weren't spent like Jesus would have spent them.

i'm only human.

but i'm realizing that right now, this is where He has me and that yes. i am making a difference.
by wanting to know Him more. and actively seeking Him. i'm making a difference. if i become totally obedient to Him, He'll give me what my heart desires.

take delight in the Lord, 

and He will give you the desires of your heart. 

psalm 37:4

i've got to be more optimistic about where i am right now. God is blessing me more than i know, and if i'm not careful at times, i might miss it. because i'm too busy complaining about what i don't have. 

and for the record, i have too much. 

my heart is heavy for Jesus right now. 

in a, "i'm in love, can't get enough" heavy. 

i know i'm in a huge season of life.

one that's changing who i am. 

God is detailing every part of my life, and i am so excited for what's next. 

and for now. i will be patient. 

blessings to you friend.

trust and His patience

can i be honest here?
sometimes i wonder how God puts up with me.

seriously. there are times when i whine and complain so much about things that i can only imagine what's going on in heaven.
i bet they all gather around and get popcorn to watch the "megan meltdown of the month" (because if we can be honest again, that's how often it happens).
maybe it's a movie night for them.

and then at the end i bet they (when i say they i mean God and Jesus and all the other cool kids in heaven) sit around and remark about how easily i give up on things. and how if i had only had a little bit more trust in Him that i would be ok.

because honestly, sometimes it's hard to not have things go my way exactly when i want them too.

and i have no idea where i get it from.

i was raised to know better than to just throw a fit at 23 about something not working out the way i want it to. my parents never raised me to think that i could and will get everything i want. growing up (and still now) i'm taught by my parents to know that if i want something, i have to work at it. nothing is supposed to be a walk in the park.

so where am i getting this spoiled brat attitude? where am i getting the idea that life is supposed to be handed to me on a silver platter?

my answer.

society.

that whole discussion is for another post, but short version: when did we become a society that things everything is ours for the taking when ever we want?

this is where i'm wondering how on earth God has the amount of patience He does for His people...me especially.

time after time i find myself throwing this pity party, because something didn't go according to my plan. but thankfully my Father in Heaven has patience with me, to see me through the problem and make it better.

this past monday i had made an appointment to meet with a graduation advisor (i'm scheduled to be done with UCF in december). i talked to the nice lady who recommended that for tuesdays meeting i print out my degree audit (has all the class i've taken and what i need to take blah blah).

so i go online and print it out.

while it's printing i noticed this ugly red - sign next to a class that i already took.
i wondered what the heck was going on because i took the class and got a c (not my best performance obviously, but i hated the class).

so i go and look at all my grades.

and that's when i see that annoying - sign next to the C for the class.

here's what you need to know: i already registered for fall classes. i was set to graduate in december. 

my stomach dropped. and the tears came flowing out of my eyes.
i sat there staring at that (insert choice word here) minus sign, which is really a couple of points when it comes down to it, wondering how the heck this thing came to be in the way of my graduation.

a couple of points would prevent me from graduating.

here's what i didn't do initially. 
pray. 

seriously. i was so beyond mad i can't even begin to explain to you. i wasn't mad at God, no i was mad at everyone else. the professor for putting the C there, my advisor for not brining it up...but of course i didn't put myself in there at all.
oh no, i didn't earn that C-, someone else must have.

i spent the remainder of the night as grumpy as imaginable.

and then came tuesday.

i spoke with the nice graduation lady about the little pickle i was in, and she kindly directed me to my advisor (it's like a cat and mouse game in college with advisors and trying to get something done, let's just be honest here).

so that's when i wrote this begging and pleading email to my advisor about what a bone head i am.

and that's when it hit me.

no one else had received that C- just me. 
i put forth so little effort for the class so i totally deserved the grade i got.

and this is when i got my head out of my rear end and prayed.

i had read that morning romans 12:12 which paul tells us to

be joyful in hope; 

patient in affliction, 

and faithful in prayer. 

oh. pray.

so i did.

i begged God to forgive me for being a brat, and to have His hand in the situation. i told Him that i trusted His will for my life.

but if we can be honest again, i'm not sure i believed it.

the thing was, is that if i did get into the class, it would be a tuesday/thursday class which would mean i would have to drive over to orlando 5 days a week.
it's an hour drive.
gas waste much?

so of course i started to panic over money.

when was i supposed to work?
how could we afford school and all the gas?

and then came today.

i received an email from my advisor informing me that she could "over ride" me into the class.

i thanked God.

i then quickly went to register for the class. all set.

and then i thought, for the heck of it, let's just see if my monday/wednesday/friday class is available for tuesday and thursday (ps, i had checked a million times before and it wasn't).

i hit "search" to see that there was 

ONE SEAT LEFT IN THE CLASS FOR TUESDAY AND THURSDAY. 

are you getting all this???

not only did He provide the class for me, but i was able to switch my other class so i only have to go into orlando two days a week instead of five.

i assume that today, was the big finale for them up there.
and i can't help but to think they were clapping once i put it all together like He intended.

when things are really hard, it's ok to admit that trusting God is tough. because it is.
unlike Him, we can't see what's going to happen in the future. and because we are humans, the first reaction is to freak.

but what i'm learning is that it can't keep happening.

i think i knew deep down that God would make a way for all this to work out for me. how could He not?

He created the universe, of course He could get me into this class. 

i think the most important thing is that i know all this happened because God is faithful and patient with me.

God saves us when we need Him. He's up there watching, so He never misses anything. we just have to trust in Him.

yes it's hard because unlike God, our patience is the size of a thimble. but i think if you're like me, and working on it, God will provide.

because He always does.

i'm thankful for a patient and providing God.

all my love, 

meg

Be Patient

I am a woman, so thus I am watching the NFL draft and will arise tomorrow morning for:

THE ROYAL WEDDING!

will you be watching?!

I am so excited. For weeks I have wondered: will she wear sleeves? will it be a big princess dress or is that too obvious? will her dad walk her down the isle? will he be in a normal tux? what will her flowers be? what colors has she picked?

and tomorrow morning all these answers will be answered! I can not wait!

did you know that they will not kiss at the alter? how sad! but I'm anticipating the balcony kiss!

yes, you don't even have to ask: I have researched this wedding too much.

no shame.

Day 24: What is Jesus teaching you presently?

So remember that post I did on my attitude at work? I seem to have wrote that and didn't read it too well.

The thing is girls, work has really been testing my patience lately. I've wanted out so badly.

Yesterday I got a call back from an application and it was the biggest bummer ever. Or so I thought.

Today at work I talked to one of my managers and we had a wonderful conversation about my attitude. Since I've been there for 2 years, he knew something had been going on; I just haven't been the Megan he know and loves.

Long convo short: he was telling me he cared about me and to not let the little things get to me.

I took it as God telling me to be content with where I am and what I have.

Christ never complained. He never gossiped, and He defiantly never took anything for granted.

He's teaching me right now how to not do the above. And it's really awesome that He's using people in my life to tell me and help me through them.

He's the greatest example for us on how to live life.

It gives me the greatest joy to know that not only does Christ love me, but He's my biggest cheerleader right now. He's on my side and wants me to do my best.

But wants me to learn a couple lessons along the way.

He's also teaching me about thankfulness. I have so much to be thankful for. So much more than I could ever count. He teaching me how to find the things to be thankful for in every situation, to find the gratefulness. Because thankfulness leads to trusting in Him. Trusting that I'm where I am for His purpose, not my own.

We're so blessed!

Off to get a couple hours of sleep before the wedding!

I think a lot of our invites got lost in the mail...ya, that's what I'm going with :)

Honesty is always the best policy

Day 20: Write about your job and why you love it or hate it.

I'm a server.
Some days I love it, some days I hate it. But isn't that always the deal with peoples jobs?

I work at a restaurant that serves breakfast, lunch, and dinner. So I could be there as early as 7 am or be there as late as 10 pm. Grumble grumble grumble.

But it's a job. And provides (the littlest) salary.

Lets be honest here: do you ever catch yourself taking somethings for granted?
Some days, and not all days, I find myself walking into work repeating over and over again, I don't want to be here, I don't want to be here, I don't want to be here. And then it always seems to get worse when you get that one customer that I just can't make happy.
But I walk out with some money in my pocket. Like my sister always tells me 'that's $20 more dollars you had before you walked into work'.

My attitude can play a major part in my day. I can be so far from Christ at times (told you we're going to be honest). Working in a restaurant can prove to be a very patience pushing jobs at times...not matter how rude that woman might be, I just have to smile and move on.
But isn't that what Jesus told us to do?
Turn the other cheek?

Philippians 2:5

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.

There are days when I fall really short of Gods glory, and sisters if I'm being honest, I fall really short. But see we serve a God that not only forgives, but He's going to see how well we learn and put us through it again. That's just how it always seems to work with me. He reminds me gently that I'm only here because of Him.

So my job...do I love it or hate it?
I count it as a blessing from God. One that, at this current moment, I am learning the most from.
It's also teaching me to be content with where I am right now...that's a topic all on it's own. It's teaching me patience. It's teaching me how to be a light for Him.

I hope your Tuesday is turning out to be a fabulous one! I've got a paper to write. Have I ever mentioned that my middle name is Procrastination? It's really great to meet you :)

and I am so excited to have been featured on two blogs this week!
over here at this beautiful gals blog, go check it out, but mostly go check out her blog because it's wonderful!
and on this super inspirational one too! God is showering me with blessings! thank you both so much for having me!

If your a bird, I'm a bird.

the greatest chick flick in the world: The Notebook.

can anyone really complain?

Sonny has escaped to the porch while I sit and grin my face off, and constantly have that 'aww' look on my face.

A good love story is just good for you :)

Day 13: Write about something you like to change about yourself for the better.

I

have

no

patience.

None. It always escapes me when I need it the most, and it becomes really evident that I don't have any in the simplest of situations (waiting in line). So if I could change one thing: I'd give myself some more patience.
Now yes, this is something I need to change and can do it on my own...but I've been waiting for a it to kick in...haha.
If you've got any patience enhancing ideas, please send them my way!

Also, I get jealous too easily. Way to easily.
God created me just the way I am for a reason...so why be?
Because I'm a twenty something year old female.
I have all the blessings I could ever ask for, but sometimes I get jealous of friends. Some who are about to graduate college, and I'm still a year off. Some who seem to get opportunity after opportunity to serve the Lord on missions trips. Some who just seem to 'have it all'.

But then I take a deep breathe and almost smack myself...I have it all. Well, all that I could ever want.
I have a happy healthy family, and I'm married! Married to the most wonderful man in the world.
I have it all.

the movie is almost over, almost the best scene ever. praying for you loveys!

OH! and I got to play with my niece today...she is crawling everywhere! And loves Aunt Meggys Coach purse :)

she's the poster child for adorable.