Wednesday, March 20, 2013

my heart.

if you've read my blog for any length of time you know that i'm a server at a restaurant...and if you're new, you know now.

working in the service industry is hard. really hard. like makes me cry some days it's so hard.
to be honest, people are just mean.
and rude.
and at some point i'll write a post about how much you control your servers day when you sit down at a table.
and yes, i prefer the term "server" over waitress. makes me think of denny's {insert smiley face here}.

some days i just come home and cry to my sweet husband about the day i've had. the tables that left me 10% on a big check. the woman who poked me to get my attention. the old man that was so rude, and made me want to ask if he had grandchildren, and what would he do if someone was this rude to them. the co-worker who spends every night partying and i don't have the courage to tell them that Jesus loves them and they need to know Him. the manager who makes inappropriate comments. the woman who left me no tip.

the question of when i get to quit this job and be full time in photography always comes up. my patience is really dwindling. honestly.

but then i read things like this:
"your life that may feel so insignificant at times may just be right for the kingdom and have an impact far beyond what the world (and you) can see with your eyes."
-holley gerth, you're made for a God-sized dream

insignificant doesn't even begin to cover it.
smaller than an ant at times.

but He's working it through His timing.
i'm learning that the closer i grow to the Lord, the less bad days i have. knowing and realizing that working in this restaurant right now is where He has me...for a reason. i'll get the courage to tell that person about Jesus. that no tip, well maybe she needed that money more than i do.
my heart is changing.

it's hard of course. and it's a super slow process. yesterday i was there for 9 1/2 hours. and you can bet that some of those hours weren't spent like Jesus would have spent them.
i'm only human.
but i'm realizing that right now, this is where He has me and that yes. i am making a difference.
by wanting to know Him more. and actively seeking Him. i'm making a difference. if i become totally obedient to Him, He'll give me what my heart desires.

take delight in the Lord, 
and He will give you the desires of your heart. 
psalm 37:4

i've got to be more optimistic about where i am right now. God is blessing me more than i know, and if i'm not careful at times, i might miss it. because i'm too busy complaining about what i don't have. 
and for the record, i have too much. 

my heart is heavy for Jesus right now. 
in a, "i'm in love, can't get enough" heavy. 

i know i'm in a huge season of life.
one that's changing who i am. 

God is detailing every part of my life, and i am so excited for what's next. 
and for now. i will be patient. 

blessings to you friend.


Gennean said...

Stay strong in The Lord, girl! He's got you right where He wants you, even if its a hard place to be... Know he goes before you and is with you in that place!!

Emily Patten said...

This is exactly what I needed. I'm graduating college soon, and the stress of what I'm going to do afterwards is really getting to me. So thank you for sharing this. God really does put the right words in front of you at exactly the right time.

Kiki said...

Girl, I am with you on waiting for His timing and learning to take delight in our present circumstances! Thank you for writing about how growing closer to Him truly changes your heart. It's so encouraging for me as I'm in this odd transition in my life, too.

And even though you may not like your present job all that much, I want you to know how much of an encouragement you've been to me through these posts. If anything, He's using you to help me out! :)

Scarlett said...

Just what i needed to read. thank you.

Kylie Caisley said...

Reading your blog totally inspires me. I'm so glad I found you. Being a server totally sucks, but it does teach you a lot about patience, of course, you know that. Your desire for knowing the Lord makes want to draw closer to Him as well. Thank you for that.

Brittany Kyte said...

I love this post. And I love that you are searching for Gods will in this. People can be cruel and inconsiderate but you are longing to please God in your response to them.

Christina Moodie said...

Love this post Megan. I feel the same exact way some times so this really spoke to my heart.

Pretty lady said...

I love love love what you've done with your blog! I just feel at home here.

And this post was incredible. Thank you for that.

Becky | Apples of Gold said...

This post SO reminded me of how I felt when I worked as a Starbucks Barista.
It was pure misery some days, and it literally sucked the joy out of me.
But I know, as you mentioned, God used that season of my life to mold and shape me in ways I may not have grown otherwise.
And I'm glad you can see the light in your situation despite how rough it is!
Feeling heart heavy and in love with Jesus is THE BEST!
much love to you, girl!
He's working it out for you BEAUTIFULLY.

Emily @ Newlywed Moments said...

AMEN AMEN AMEN. What an inspiring post, lady! Thanks for sharing your heart.

Katie Ann said...

"My heart is heavy for Jesus right now. In a, "i'm in love, can't get enough" heavy." Goodness, I'm there right now too!

Also, thank you for visiting my blog! I LOVE yours and am so glad you commented. I can't wait to read more and see how Jesus works in your life.

Take care,

Leslie Lee said...

Thanks so much for writing this, Megan. I feel insignificant often in the season of life that we're in, as well. I hate that feeling. Praying for refreshment and encouragement for you. Some seasons are just plain hard, and just because you don't wake up feeling optimistic every day doesn't mean that you're failing. I think the Lord sees your perseverance and hard work, and that endurance is still valuable and important and legitimate, even if it's not perfect.

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