that one time i was a mean girl.

last night i sat down to write this post, or a post i knew for sure would stir hearts. one that would bring women together. i could already hear the "you go girl!" "you're beautiful! don't let anyone tell you otherwise!" comments.

i typed away. planting each letter with the intention to make sure i looked like the victim. 

and then i looked over to a sticky note hanging off my calendar:

"do we reflect the 

genuine love 

we have for a God that 

trusts us enough 

to make us His 

holy ambassadors?"

it was like a load of bricks had just been placed on my chest. and that nine letter word we all hate came creeping into my heart. 

convicted. 

here's where i'll back up. 

i sat watching the super bowl, checking twitter every other play like every other american when i noticed a {non logical} tweet sent out by a wide receiver {professional football player} that happens to play for my beloved cleveland browns. 

i rolled my eyes, typed out a sassy reply. and hit send. 

my smart aleck tweet got a response. 

by the professional.

i was a bit stunned at first, and then laughed at how awesome it was. but frowned at his lack of a witty comeback. and how rude he was back.

it's clear now that although i was joking, it didn't come off that way. 

to him. 

nor to any other fans that saw the tweet. 

the truth of the matter is that i knocked his performance this past season. in a joking way {no ugly words were used btw}...but it was still rude of me. 

i can make excuses like i didn't think he was the one who handled his twitter {which i didn't} but it doesn't change the fact that i hit send in the first place. 

and had i only known what was coming next. 

a slue of tweets bashing me every which way possible flooded my twitter feed.

calling me names. 

cursing at me. 

making comments about my body. 

degrading things no woman should be told. 

all by a bunch of men, who i'll never meet. 

tears rolled down my cheeks. 

i felt like i was in middle school again. everyone was ganging up on me, suffocating me, and i couldn't get a word in edge wise. 

i thought about replying to each of them...but there were just too many. 

after the game, and when the tears dried, i made my way to the computer to do what every blogger would do: blog about the situation. focus on how terrible those men are. how women are still fighting a "sexist" battle. how these are probably a bunch of grown men who have nothing better to do than pick on a young female. how i was stunned that someone who didn't even know me could type out the words, "whore" and hit send. how crappy of a society we live in, and when is this kind of thing ever going to stop?

which is all true. 

but this is where the sticky note comes back. 

reflect the genuine love. 

in truth, i wasn't reflecting that genuine love. my tweet to him was rude {to put it plainly}, not intentionally, but that's how it came off. snarky. it was mean. i was being a mean girl. 

i was knocking his ability to do his job. 

my very wise best friend, who i always go to about things like this, always thinks before she speaks. she's so mature, something i seriously need to work on. 

but she kindly put it into plain terms for me {because at this point the emotions were so high, i wasn't even close to thinking logically}, 

"what if someone found your photography site and made a comment like that about your work?"

ouch. 

she was right, and had the right thing to say to me in that moment. per usual. and i'm so thankful for that. she always has a way of making the crazy emotional megan come off the cliff. i'm thankful for her and how well she knows me. 

like it or not, our lives are on display for all to see. every moment in our day, satan is waiting patiently for us to slip out. 

and boy was he having a hay day with me last night. 

it wasn't nice what i said. there weren't any cuss words in those 160 characters, but i called a guy "butterfingers". 

we are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us...God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the rigteousness of God.
2 corinthians 5:20-21

were those men wrong in using the lanuage they did towards me, of course. but had i though that tweet over before i sent it, instead of just doing it off the cuff...none of those things would have ever been said about me. 

i'm human.

i'm not perfect. 

i made a mistake. 

but i'm so thankful to serve a God who truely knows my heart. 

and for the conviction He is giving me. 

we are ambassadors. 

hand picked by God to spread His love and share the gospel. hand crafted. 

i'm in this learning stage right now and God is teaching me so much. 

this lesson? 

think before you tweet. or update facebook. or speak. 

my words need to be thought out, and only spoken if they bring glory to God. my life and mouth need to reflect the genuine love of God. 

because He has trusted me with the task of being an ambassador to Him. 

i'm a work in progress. 

i'm convicted. 

i'm thankful for a Father to crawl to and weep at His feet. 

i'm full of His grace. 

maybe you'll read this and stop following my blog because i was mean. 

that's ok. 

know first though that i am sorry. and second that if it wasn't for this post by my sweet friend annie, this wouldn't have been published. 

or maybe you'll read this, and like me...really start to meditate on the words that come out of our mouths. 

are all of our tweets, status updates, and words reflecting genuine love?

all my love, 

meg