creativity.

i've never really thought of myself as a creative kind of person. when i was little i used to draw a lot, but the older i got, the farther i strayed from any artistic kind of thing i could. i'm not super crafty, it takes a while. i can't thrift, i just don't do well. i'm not a super decorator, in fact, my living room looks like we just moved in because it's so bare without christmas decorations. i'm not musical. at all, not even in the slightest. 

if you haven't caught on yet, if there was one thing i wouldn't classify myself as, it would be an artist. and a creative one at that. 

i found the picture above on pinterest this morning, and it really spoke to my heart (the Word tends to do that). 

i am struggling with this whole being done with college thing. for the last eighteen years (took the five year plan) i've done nothing but school. and work, but mostly school. my week was based around classes, my stress was from procrastination. and now. 

well, now i'm done with college. 

i almost laughed at all the pour souls who updated their statuses this week about having to go back to school...and then reality set in. 

i felt like i was being yelled at: "IT'S TIME TO GROW UP NOW MEGAN. GET A REAL JOB YOU BUM".

ok, maybe that wasn't really what anyone said, but it's totally what i've been thinking. you finish college, you get a job. you make babies, you raise them, you get old, you retire, you travel. 

can you see why i've been a bit panicked? 

it's like all the things i've waited for through school are finally here. 

and they are freaking me out. 

i have no five year plan. no long term anything going on right now. just waiting. 

and waiting on tables in the mean time. 

all the cool kids do that after college, right?

as i read this verse this morning, something inside of me clicked. God? is that you?

photography is art. every time i take a picture, i'm being creative. what i see through the lens is what i am trying to capture, my work of art. 

i'm realizing that just because someone calls themselves and "artist" doesn't mean it only includes those who pick up a paint brush on a daily basis. it's people who sing, or dance, or write music. take pictures, or spray paint. 

so i guess...i'm an artsy kind of person after all. 

i feel like God has thrown this photography thing into my lap and i can't even begin to explain to you how thankful i am for it. 

but i just doubt myself. 

am i really "growing up" to be a photographer? 

am i good enough to do that?

satan is a crappy person who likes to make me doubt myself. 

and sometimes that happens. 

but God, the God who created the Universe, always is here to pick me up when those feelings come flooding. it comes in a sweet comment on a picture, an email to do a session, or just that really good feeling inside that i'm doing the right thing. 

because man have i been waiting to figure out what my "right thing" is supposed to be. 

i know i have a lot to learn about the business and how to take better pictures. but i'm being creative in a way that i love. 

passion and hobby turned into a living? um, yes please?

i'm getting passed that scared.to.admit.i.want.to.be.a.photographer stage, and actually coming out and saying it when i'm asked. 

"so now that you're done, what are your plans?"

"i've started my own photography business and God is going to bless it abundantly"

i have got to take responsibility for the creativeness in my own life, the creativeness that God created me to have. we all do. 

maybe creative will be my word for the year?

do you have a word for the year? any exciting plans for 2013?

if you're like me and giggle at anything "artsy fartsy", that's ok. because that may never be the artsy people we'll be. but finding that creativity that God gave us is a must. and showcasing it! 

happy tuesday. 

all my love, 

meg

prayer.

praying is a funny thing, kinda.
i've always heard that it's the conversation between you and God.

but a conversation, i used to say, was when two people were talking and each one of them could hear the other. one person says, "hey how are ya?" and then the other one answers, "really good, you?"

i know i can't possibly be alone in this, but i can honestly say that i've never heard God speak to me. seriously.
have you ever read things, or had conversations with people who speak about how they could hear God tell them to go do something?

now, let's make something clear. i fully believe in a God who speaks to people. however, before lately, i was beginning to wonder if i had missed out on some kool-aid somewhere.
and were these people absolutely certain that they were hearing from God and not just the pizza they ate last night.

so, i prayed and prayed. and didn't hear anything from God.
i prayed about my future. because right now i'm at that terrible point in a humans life, where they graduate from college and the whole world is staring at them bug eyed wondering what they'll do next.

i never heard the voice of God.

which while we're on the topic, what does He sound like?

i started to believe that all these dreams and goals i was having for my life were just that...mine and not Gods. i think if i look back in my prayer journal the prayer that pops up the most is that God would do His will in my life, that His glorious plans would prevail and that i wouldn't do just what i wanted to do.

this summer i kind of just gave up. sure this little dream of becoming a photographer was in my heart, but i wasn't really hearing anything from God so i figured that was just another profession to cross off megan's list.

and friends, that list is a long one.

and that's when i realized that i have been bouncing too much.

i'm almost 24 (when the heck did that happen?!) and it's about time that i start acting like one. this isn't kindergarden anymore people, we are finally at that "grown up" stage.

it's no longer a question of, "what do you want to be when you grow up?"

but a question of, "so when do you start your job?"

it's terrifying really.

a couple weeks ago i was reading through blogs when i came upon my dear friend annie's post about what was going on in her heart. she wrote about how God had started to shatter her heart.
i read the post in envy actually (wrong, yes i know).
but i was wondering when God was going to shatter my heart. when i was going to come up from the ashes and just start being the megan He created me to be.

and then i was listening to some jj heller (an absolute favorite), when i saw the song called no fight left on her new album.

duh, i thought to myself.

here are some of the lyrics:

it's hard to tell if my eyes are open

when all i see is dark

and it's easy, it's easy to lose my step

to lose my step

there is no fight left on the inside

but maybe that's where i should be

i've given up trying

i'm giving it all to you

if you youtube it (which you should, but it's a cheesy video), the description says this: a song for all of us who are in the belly of a whale. sometimes we have to let go of what we hold dear to get closer to the One who holds our hearts. Jesus. 

the belly of a whale.

let go of what we hold dear.

my future, and me figuring it out, is what is dear to me.

i want to constantly be in control. i want things to be figured out now, so that i don't have to worry about them in the future.

for those of you who don't know, i'm embarking on a photography adventure.
i was asked to do two weddings this summer which is crazy pants.
i have my second one this weekend.

after the first one i was really nervous that this was just what i wanted to do. i had no clue if this was what God had in the plans for me. i mean, i'm going to school for english for heavens sake. photography?

a couple weeks ago before i did the first wedding i came to that point.
the point where i just sat down and really prayed that God would make His will known.
i listened to that song on repeat for a week. screaming the lyrics in the car on my way home, praying to God.

i just got called yesterday to do another wedding. 

if you believe, you will receive what ever you as for in prayer. matthew 21:22

i think...and i say i think because i'm not 100% confident...that i am doing what He wants me to. i do know, that i gave up trying to figure it all out on my own.

which i think is the first step.

it's hard going into something when you have no idea what you're doing. because let's face it, i don't. photography is really, really hard. and it's even harder to not try and compare yourself to others.

but i am faithful that God is going to give me the tools (and people) to make me great.

i was texting my sister last night and just asked if this was real life.

like, is this really happening?

do i get to "grow up" and be a photographer?

i know that i didn't hear the mighty voice of God, but i like to think that He's talking to me through all this. in fact i know He is.

and the best part, is that i'm listening.

sometimes we have to stop looking at everyone around us and wondering when God is going to start putting the puzzle pieces of our lives together. because He's already started. we're just too busy looking at every one else's.
His work already started in my life a long, long time ago. i just never asked and prayed what it was.

the thing about prayer is that we have to keep doing it.
we can't just ask God to help us on monday, and then get to friday, hear crickets and wonder what the deal is.

1 thessalonians 5:17
never stop praying.

seem's pretty clear to me.

all my love, 

meg

my first engagement shoot!

so if there's one thing i've learned over the years...it's that when i try and do 50 things at once, nothing turns out the way i want it too. is anyone else like that?

i get these big huge plans in my head and just go for it but God steps in and gives me the "hang on just a sec, I've got something else in mind right now".

a couple of months ago i dove head first into this photography. making websites, thinking about buisness cards. all in a weekend.

and then i heard crickets.

at first i got super discouraged. i kept thinking crap now what? this is what i love to do.

God made it super clear that i needed to slow down a bit. i really needed to get to know my camera and surroundings before i went head first.

so i'm in the learning process. and couldn't be more happier.

i like to call it my "building a portfolio" stage.

wednesday a very sweet friend of mine asked me to do her engagment shoot. we had been trying to plan this for months but it just never worked out. trying to get three people off work the same day is insane.

girls i came home, and still am in the best mood.
have you ever just had that moment where it's like a light bulb goes off, like "this is what i'm supposed to be doing!"

no, i'm not the best yet, but hopefully i will be someday. i have a lot to learn, but right now it's still the puppy love stage.

here's a couple from the shoot!

{some serious bling}

{the train pulled into town just as we started!}

{adorable}

and that's just a few! to see the rest go "like" my facebook page...please (shameless plug).
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Megan-Elizabeth-Photography/187221041357999

happy friday! any big plans for the weekend? i have an essay to finish and then sunday starts my spring break!!

all my love,

meg