overcoming the lie.

here's the thing.
i wasn't one of the girls who waited.

i've been "in love" too many times to count because until the hubs came around, i had no idea what true love was.
and it wasn't even him that i feel in love with...but the Lord. who then allowed me to fall in love with sonny.

we live in a world today where waiting, isn't much of an option anymore. more and more teenage girls are loosing their virginity and it's really becoming no big deal.

makes my heart so sad. 

i want to be clear here. i wish i would have waited. i really, really do. but i didn't. 
i can't go back in time and change it. 
and i'm ok with that.

purity and waiting, are important. God wants you to wait.
but if you made a mistake like me, you aren't scum. you can be forgiven and will be forgiven.

for a long time i thought God could never forgive me for having sex before marriage. and even after i was married i struggled with things (because let's face it ladies, it ain't like the movies), and thought that i was being punished because i didn't wait for sonny.

this of course, is a total lie the enemy was trying to feed me. 

when you have thoughts like that racing through your brain, and then read blogs and christian magazine articles about purity, it gets hard. really hard.
i felt like there wasn't any grace for those of us who messed up, and that this life of purity was being held up so high that if you weren't in that group, you were condemned big time.

this struggle i had wasn't a daily one. i didn't wake up in the morning wondering what my life was going to be like because i had made a mistake. but when it did come into my thoughts, it hit me in the face like a ton of bricks.

i wondered how on earth the Creator of the heavens could forgive someone who not only had sex before she was married, but never really learned her lesson.

it played into who i was in high school. and boys aren't stupid.

but that's for a different post. 

i wondered how on earth God could have blessed me with a man like sonny to spend the rest of my life with, when i really didn't deserve it.
i had played around with "love" since the 9th grade, and dragged the word through the mud.
said it to almost every boyfriend. totally lost all its meaning, and didn't really think twice about it.

when i met sonny things started to change. he became that missing piece to my life, and led me back to the Lord.

i got baptized. we got engaged. we married. life was good.

but that feeling like i wasn't forgiven never went away.

until about a year ago. 

we were driving back from north carolina and were listening to worship music.
which, btw, driving in the dark blasting worship music next to the love of your life is really something wonderful.

we listened and sang along through a mix i had made on my spotify account, when arms wide open by hillsong came on.

tears came streaming down my face.
i don't know if it was the lyrics to the song. or the fact that i was sitting next to the one i loved worshiping the God who made us, but out of no where i just felt this rush of peace.

i was forgiven. 

what happened in the past doesn't matter to God. He had never kept a record of my wrongs. just a record of His rights.
having sex before i was married was a mistake, but one He forgave me of.

i realized that night that all the lies i let come into my heart were just that...total lies. and they weren't welcomed anymore.

i felt the Lord tell me that it was ok, and that He loved me.
so so so much.

i am humbled by Gods love for me.
and His ability to see past me, and get right to my heart.

i'm currently doing the overcome the lie, 40 day challenge and this morning was all about love. and how we need to repeat to ourselves that God seriously loves us.

i read the devotional with relief this morning.
because i know He loves me.
more than i know actually.

we're human beings. we're going to make mistakes and God knows that. He made us remember.
but the trick is to not let those mistakes define who you are.

instead, be defined by the love of a Savior.
the love of a God who created the oceans and stars.

if you haven't check out overcome the lie. you need to.

and to all my mistake makers...you're loved girlfriend. more than you'll ever know.

piercing hearts.

i'm a peter fan.

peter pan yes, but that's not the peter i'm talking about. 

i'm talking about this peter:

peter replied, "even if all fall away on account of you, i never will."

"truly i tell you," Jesus answered, "this very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times."

but peter declared, "even if i have to die with you, i will never disown you."

matthew 26:33-34

and then we all know how the story goes.
three times peter denies the Lord (see matthew 26:69-74).

vs 75: immediately a rooster crowed. then peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: "before the rooster crows you will disown me three times." and he went outside and wept bitterly. 

i cry.
all the time.
at sad things. at happy things. at songs. at dogs. at commercials about dogs. at babies. at tiny human beings singing songs.
i. am. a. cryer.

i can relate to peter on this one.

he felt disappointed.
he knew what he did was wrong, oh so very wrong. it did nothing to further the Kingdom, nothing to bring glory to the name of Jesus. but he did it anyways.
three times.

i've made a lot of mistakes in my short time here on earth. and i know i'll make more.
growing up, and before i really found who i was in Christ, i made the same mistakes over and over and over again.

they call that insanity right?

each time i knew what i did was wrong, but still did it again when the opportunity presented itself.
anyone else like that?

i spent a lot of time in high school and before i met the hubsters in tears. weeping. about mistakes i made. ones that i knew were so far off from what i believed in, and knew what was right. but i made them anyways.

which is why i find so much hope in peters story.

if you fast forward to after the resurection. we find peter again in acts.

and you don't even get two chapters in before the really good stuff hits.

peter is preaching. and not just preaching but bringing the Word hard core for the first time in the new testament (not including Jesus, duh). he's preaching boldly about what we as christ follower are to do. how life is supposed to go. it's simple and straight forward.

i was reading this yesterday morning and then hit this verse:

when the people heard this, they were 

cut to the heart 

and said to peter and the other apostles, 

"brothers, what shall we do?"

(acts 2:37)

his words cut to their hearts.
the new living translation says, peters words pierced their hearts.

the gospel and good news that he preached and the words he used pierced peoples hearts.

this same man that had just denied Jesus three times was now piercing peoples hearts with words of glory.

what happened in my life five years ago, doesn't matter.
this is where that beautiful thing, that i'll never understand, called grace comes into play.

His death on the cross was not in vein. it washed those sins of mine...and peters away.

and now, there's nothing holding me back from piercing people with my words about Jesus.

peter is inspiration to me.
i've talked on this blog a lot about the weight of words. how heavy they can be.
but the words about the gospel? those need to be heavy. weighed down with the love of a Savior.

able to cut and pierce hearts.

i am thankful for a Word that brings me stories like this one.
i'm hopeful that God will indeed use me like he used peter.
just a messed up person, drowning in grace.

grace.

i've had some trouble lately with the whole, "she thinks this about me". it's been affecting the way i work, the way i think, the way i act.

i've been letting what others say about me dictate my life.
truly.

it's been nothing shy of tough, and i've let negative comments about one part of my life, trickle into other areas of my life {like photography}. last week there wasn't a single day i didn't come home from work in a terrible mood...or worse, end up crying to sonny about how bad my day was.

and then thursday came around.

i took jessi's influence network class on preaching the gospel and using our words.
the class was incredible.

i was sitting at my computer, nodding my head like one of those toy dogs in cars, soaking up all she had to say. the Lord had given her an amazing message to share.
and then it happened.

there was a little section to ask questions on.
towards the end of the class jessi started to answer them, and made sure not to say who they came from.
i guess if you took the class this is me outing myself ;)

i asked how she handled the negative things people said about her.
whether she heard them or not.

because that's the truth girls. whether we hear them or not. people have opinions of us that aren't always what we like.
last week at work i had heard so many of those opinions, and just felt like i was at the end of my rope.

i typed out the question, not expecting the Lord to ever move in me the way He did.

cause let's be honest. jessi is adorable. and anyone who has a bad thing to say about that girl is crayyzay.

so she read the question out loud.

and then simply said,
"it doesn't really matter what other people say about us.
because all of those negative things could be true.
i could be chubby. i could be mean. i could have a short temper. i could be a bad mom. i could be all of these things.
they all can be true.
but it doesn't change the fact that Christ still died for me."

i felt like a truck hit me.
the tears came flowing down my face, and for the first time in a really long time i could feel God's presence with me.

all i could think of was grace.

the grace that He covers me with day in and day out.
because jessi is right.
the negative things people say about me can be true. 
but it doesn't matter because Christ still died for me. 

He still loves me,
even though i get mean.
His grace covers me.
i finally got the lyrics, "if grace is an ocean we're all sinking."

and so i began to sink. with in 30 seconds, some one i had never met face to face helped the Lord relay one of the most important messages i will ever hear in my life.

the most important message any of us can ever hear.

and so friday {the very next day}, i attended a woman's conference.
the speaker, sheri rose shepherd was wonderful. she was all about dancing on the battlefield and leaving a legacy for our great great grandchildren to hear about.

there was so much packed into her first session that if i wasn't listening closely, i would have missed this.

she started to talk about how we need to accept the grace God offer's or we'll never be able to fully be alive in Christ.
she's right.
if we go day to day, constantly worried about what we did or what others think about us, we'll never get anywhere.

and then she said, "NO ONE IS THINKING ABOUT YOU AS MUCH AS YOU ARE."

i sat there wide eyed. and almost felt like a bolt of lightning was going to enter the auditorium and God would yell, "megan are you listening?!"

He promises are true.
His grace is enough for me.
no matter what other people say.

His grace is enough for all of us.

we live in a society where everyone is afraid to get up and dance because we're too worried about what other people will think about us.
they might figure out our flaws...which God Himself made. they might figure out that no, we don't have it all together.

and so this all got me thinking.

instead of letting the negatives sink in, and crying because people are mean to us.

why not use that opportunity to embrace those flaws, and dance it off?

grace is a beautiful thing.
it covers all the bad in me.
the grumpy me. the snotty me. the negative me. the me who complains. the me who takes things for granted.

covered.

we've got to start dancing more.
because if we do, people might start to notice.
that person who's always running their mouth might be right about you...but maybe, just maybe, if we start to turn the other way and not let it affect us, they might notice something different in us.
which is the point right?

we're supposed to be different.
standing out in crowds.

being like Jesus.

we i have to accept His grace more.
every day.

i need to remind myself that i am saved by His grace.

the verse below is my favorite. so much so that i got it tattooed on my body. some days i forget it's even there. so here's to remembering.

here's to daily reminding ourselves that we have a God who loves us more than life and covers us with His blanket of grace.

My Story

Hey beauties!

I'm really excited about my new series Her Story. I'm praying that the Lord will give courage to you ladies so you'll share your wonderful stories, and that all our hearts and minds will be open to making new friends, and learning a bit from each other.

And so I figured, I'm the "Her" behind this blog, I should go first.

So what's my story?
If there's one thing I'm really praying for from this series, it's that we can relate to each other on a seriously real level.

So my story.

I'll tell you the one that really broke my heart.

My mother dragged my little sister and I up to church one Sunday morning, while we were in matching 'camp' t-shirts. We had the badges with our names on them, and might have well had "we're the new ones" stamped on our foreheads.

Should I mention that the night before I had snuck out of my house to go hang out with my boyfriend (that my parents had already forbid me to see)?

Needless to say I was not excited at all about "Jesus Camp"...that's what the boyfriend called it.
He wasn't much of a church goer.

The week {I thought} had changed my life. I realized that God loved me, and that I was making some really horrible mistakes with my life.
I made new church friends, and slowly started to have a church family form right before my eyes.

I should mention now, that I always see the good in people. Everyone. I would say 95% of the time that's really great, but sometimes I need to look at the truth.

When I got home from camp, instead of staying away from that boyfriend, I tried to convince myself that I could change him. Silly me, I didn't know then (what I know now) that God is the only who can truly change people.

That year I started to get involved at church. I volunteered for anything and everything at the church. Fundraisers, the middle school program, attended the high school program, came early, stayed late, became an easy "favorite" to the youth pastor, and gave off the demeanor that I had turned my life around.

That was every Monday, Wednesday, and Sunday; sometimes Saturdays.
Too bad that left four other days out of the week to be the real me.

I had slowly but surely become a master at living a double life.

Sure I was another butt in a seat Sunday morning, but something...the important something wasn't sticking.

By the following spring that boyfriend and I were madly in love.
So in love that at the ripe old age of sixteen years old, we made love for the first time.
Or so that's what he called it to make me feel better.

I should mention now, that my parents still were forbidding me to see him. I had become a master with them at hiding phone calls, sneaking around, and 'staying late to study' with friends.

The next summer at camp I was for sure going to start doing things right.

By that Christmas, also my birthday, I was smoking more and more weed everyday.

Please don't forget that I was there Monday, Wednesday, and Sundays.

Let me piece this all together for you:

boyfriend I wasn't allowed to see but saw anyways.

drugs I shouldn't have been doing but did them anyways.

went to church and acted as a 'student leader'...cause hey, if they didn't know, who cared.

My grades were never stellar, like they could have, my parents and I fought more than ever imaginable, and yet people at the church didn't seem to notice.

But how could they not have?

Looking back now, I was crying out for help from church leaders and no one seemed to have heard me. Sure there were times when a small group leader would ask 'hey I saw that picture on your myspace, whats that about?', but they wouldn't ask with a concern for me...oh no, they wanted to know how my weekend went with that boyfriend I wasn't supposed to be seeing went.

Fast forward a couple years.
That boyfriend that 'loved me' and I broke up. I was smart enough to finally break up with him...only to move on to another boyfriend, and another boyfriend, and another boyfriend, and another boyfriend. Each one loving me so much.

Are you getting all this?

And then a little over two years ago it clicked. I swear God didn't just make Sonny to be my husband but he made him to be an angel for me. The big muscular ones with manly wings.

Sonny was the kind of person who quoted Scripture and wasn't afraid to say: no that's not what the Word of God says.
Something I wasn't used to.
He did things like fast, lift his hands in worship, and pray before every meal...things I wasn't used to.

His faith was real.

It didn't just show up Monday, Wednesdays, and Sundays.

When I was 18 I got my first tattoo.
It's a cross on my hip with Ephesians 2: 8. I had found the piece of Scripture at camp one year, but didn't really know what it meant. Keep this in mind.

The Lord used Sonny more than I can ever try and explain; he challenged me to go further in my faith.
Which is what I did.

My eyes started to open up...really big in fact to the things that were going on in my home church. Things those who call themselves Christians shouldn't be doing.

Why does the church always mess things up?

I should really mention now, that sometimes, I talk too much.

With the new pair of eye balls I acquired, I voiced my concerns and opinions. I had realized that being a luke warm church is never a good thing.

Actually, it was through an email to one person, but it quickly got spread around to those who had no business reading it.

Yet again: why does the church always mess things up?

Next thing I knew, I was being asked to step down as a leader, and was told that I wasn't going to be able to go to youth camp that year.
The year that I had finally figured things out, the year that I couldn't wait to spread Gods love to youth. Yea, that year.

It literally turned my life upside down.
I didn't know what to do. I wondered how in the heck had they all taken that email of mine and twist is to much that it started to sound...evil? Surely I did it all out of love...and here's what may have done it: I was trying to hold other leaders accountable.
I've learned that adults do not like it when young people tell them what's up.

As usual, like any human, I got angry with God.

This was the church...why was this happening? Why and how could anyone feel shunned?
It was miserable.

There was no explanation, just the boot.
No one wondered where my whole family went. Just silence.

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him. James 1: 12

It was a really rough season of my life. I questioned so much, including God.
But I wouldn't ask God to let me go back in time to do it differently. I stood that trial, and am now victorious because I learned to lean on Him.
I may have tried to fix the situation on my own, but once I realized that, that season of my life was over, I found refuge in Him.
There were many a tears lost over those people and that church. But I made it through because of Him.

For it is by grace that you have been saved, and this is not a gift from yourselves it is the gift of God.

Ephesians 2:8

I was saved by a God who knew all this would happen. Each day His grace pours out on me because I trust in Him.
He has made me understand that the 'walk' I thought I had was just on the outside, and that He requires so much more, He requires my full heart.

My God is mighty to save a wretch like me. Oh so mighty.
He didn't give up on me.
He stood there waiting for me to come to Him, while ever so gently holding my hand and pulling me towards Him.

So that's my story.
He has saved me.

{authors note: this was really hard to write. but so wonderful at the same time.}

tell me what you want, what you really really want

Hi loves! I hope you all had a blessed Easter weekend! There was so much praise to be given to our Risen Savior!

Lent is over, which meant I got to get back on Facebook...have to admit it, I didn't miss it that much. Plus I came back to twenty something videos from my girlfriends and sisters. Apparently they thought it would be funny to post videos that we watched as kids on it...ok, it really was funny.

Because how do you not smile and think about 5th grade with videos like this:

(and see how many words you remember!)

Day 22. What are some needs that need to be met in your community?

Where does one even begin?

There's people standing on the street corner asking for change.

There are children with no parents left at shelters.

There are homeless people spending the night on the streets.

There are people who don't know Christ.

Sometimes I get upset with myself that I don't do more. Sure I give out spare change and pray for them, but I need to do more. We all do.

Jesus told us to go and make disciples of all the nations (Matthew 28:19), He didn't mean that we had to leave our communities either. He meant all nations, all people.

So where do we start?

I'm prayerfully going to consider this question for the next couple of weeks, until I hear an answer from the Lord...will you join me?

Heavenly Father we pray to You right now that You'll use us. Let us be the hands and feet for our own communities in the way You wish. Let us bring Your message to those in need. Lord I pray you use us for Your will. Open our eyes and hearts to the constant need in our world for Your love. Father, our lives are Yours.

I'm overwhelmed by His grace and mercy daily.

I'm hoping your Monday is going well! And, I've reached 25 new friends! Which means: a give away!! Not sure yet what it will be, but you'll be informed! Thanks for being awesome :)

Melinda and I got up and watched the sun rise this morning. There is nothing more breath taking, or makes you wish you could just give God a huge hug. I'm captivated by His beauty.