Monday, July 8, 2013

ask and receive

hi my name is megan, and i have no patience.

if there isn't a recovery group yet, i'll start one. my dad and i can be the first members.
is patience genetic?

i'm in this quiet season.
a season i have prayed for over and over again for years.
to not be busy.
to not have a schedule that's jam packed.

and it's finally here!

and i hate it.

i feel like i waste some days doing absolutely nothing.
which is exactly what i had prayed about.

anyone who doesn't think God answers prayers can speak to me.
because here i am. in this answered prayer. and i'm already praying a new one.

the Lord has a sense of humor, this i know.
He knew that the minute He'd answer that prayer of mine, i'd be begging for a new one.

correct He is.
i'm in a very exciting season too. building up a photography business is exciting.
and also...if i can be so honest, terrible at times.
it's hard.
this doesn't happen over night. it takes so much work and studying. some people, as nice as they may seem on their blogs just aren't willing to help other out. and that makes life hard.

and somedays. somedays i cry and think i'm doing something totally stupid and it's not what i'm called to do.

"that's a lie straight from satan and you can not believe it megan"
words spoken from the hubs this past weekend when i had one of my megan-meltdowns-about-photography.

one day. i'll write an honest post about how hard starting a photography business is.
once i make it.


i get that this is what i prayed for. i asked for this season of quiet. of no job. of being able to spend the day in my pjs because i have no where to go. 

but my heart just isn't in it. 
and that's where i'm stuck. 

Jesus promises that He won't ever put us through anything that He can't get us out of. or that we can't handle. 
so here i am. in this season i wanted, praying for a new one. all the while, He's smiling down reminding me that someday i'll understand.

i'll understand why i'm not booking clients right and left. 
i'll understand why i'm feeling defeated. 

i'm clinging right now to His promises. 

the promise that there is something ahead for me that is greater than anything i can ever imagine. 
the promise that He's with me right now. in this tough learning season. cheering me on. 
the promise that i have to trust His ways. 

i'm praying that right now, if there's anyone else in the season, we can chat. because i know i can't be alone. there's so much ahead. 

i just have to learn to be patient with the Lord.

so here i go. off to enjoy the quiet. 

happy monday.


Gennean said...

Yeah... We really gotta chat!

katie_shannon said...

Sometimes husbands are so good at giving such great wisdom during those breakdowns!!

Miss Riss said...

What a great post. You are absolutely spot on on everything. So encouraging =)

kristyn said...

i feel you. i'm only working part-time and feel like i waste a lot of my days as well. i have no patience when it comes to my jewelry shop; i am constantly frustrated that i'm not getting customers too. i'm so glad you wrote this because i really needed it today. you're right, it doesn't happen overnight. and God knows what He's doing. He put us where we are right now for a reason.

if you are EVER bored during the day and wanna chat--whether over skype or email or text, anything--i'm here! we can talk about the woes of starting a small business together haha.

Angela said...

I prayed about having more time a lot, about seeing my husband more and having weekends free... then once I got it I still was not content! God does have a sense of humor...turns out, where he wants me right now is the opposite of what I had been praying for, but it's never felt so right.

Francesca Brown said...

gah, you are not the only one. Right now I'm spending the summer applying for placements while all of my friends are already on placement! So I'm sat at home praying that God will hurry up and let the next season start. Totally on the same page girl. You've already pretty much written EXACTLY how I feel. If you wanna chat more just email me girl!

Lauren said...

Praying for increased faith during this time for you... and increased business too :)

The Lady Okie said...

I love this! This is similar to where I am right now. Thanks for sharing!

Kiki said...

I'm not really sure what to say in response to this post except for the fact that I know all of those feelings that you just wrote about. And that I love that our God has a sense of humor. It gives me a reason to smile when I really (really) don't want to!

erin m. said...

Praying for you friend. I've been in that place and it's so tough to trust God and find joy when it's such a struggle. But I truly believe He has you in the perfect place for this season and I pray you will be able to draw so close to Him and find the beauty during this time. Hang in there!!

Elizabeth said...

oh girl! my heart can so relate. this was my post college pre job days and i thought it was something that i had always wanted but it was harder than i ever imagined. everyone says " enjoy the time - you will NEVER get this time back" and i say listen to them. invest in relationships, write a novel, find a new coffee shop, join a old lady book club, do something you pinned on pinterest each week, volunteer somewhere regularly - i guess i am the old lady talking to you but you will NEVER get these days back. i have that full time job now that i was searching for so desperately when i didn't have a job (or a life) and now i have to plan my rest around 3 weeks of vacation... i am praying for you in this time and praying that the Lord refreshes your soul and helps you enjoy these days. you don't want to wish your life away....


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