Wednesday, April 17, 2013

overcoming the lie.

here's the thing.
i wasn't one of the girls who waited.

i've been "in love" too many times to count because until the hubs came around, i had no idea what true love was.
and it wasn't even him that i feel in love with...but the Lord. who then allowed me to fall in love with sonny.

we live in a world today where waiting, isn't much of an option anymore. more and more teenage girls are loosing their virginity and it's really becoming no big deal.
makes my heart so sad. 

i want to be clear here. i wish i would have waited. i really, really do. but i didn't. 
i can't go back in time and change it. 
and i'm ok with that.

purity and waiting, are important. God wants you to wait.
but if you made a mistake like me, you aren't scum. you can be forgiven and will be forgiven.

for a long time i thought God could never forgive me for having sex before marriage. and even after i was married i struggled with things (because let's face it ladies, it ain't like the movies), and thought that i was being punished because i didn't wait for sonny.

this of course, is a total lie the enemy was trying to feed me. 

when you have thoughts like that racing through your brain, and then read blogs and christian magazine articles about purity, it gets hard. really hard.
i felt like there wasn't any grace for those of us who messed up, and that this life of purity was being held up so high that if you weren't in that group, you were condemned big time.

this struggle i had wasn't a daily one. i didn't wake up in the morning wondering what my life was going to be like because i had made a mistake. but when it did come into my thoughts, it hit me in the face like a ton of bricks.

i wondered how on earth the Creator of the heavens could forgive someone who not only had sex before she was married, but never really learned her lesson.

it played into who i was in high school. and boys aren't stupid.
but that's for a different post. 

i wondered how on earth God could have blessed me with a man like sonny to spend the rest of my life with, when i really didn't deserve it.
i had played around with "love" since the 9th grade, and dragged the word through the mud.
said it to almost every boyfriend. totally lost all its meaning, and didn't really think twice about it.

when i met sonny things started to change. he became that missing piece to my life, and led me back to the Lord.

i got baptized. we got engaged. we married. life was good.

but that feeling like i wasn't forgiven never went away.
until about a year ago. 

we were driving back from north carolina and were listening to worship music.
which, btw, driving in the dark blasting worship music next to the love of your life is really something wonderful.

we listened and sang along through a mix i had made on my spotify account, when arms wide open by hillsong came on.

tears came streaming down my face.
i don't know if it was the lyrics to the song. or the fact that i was sitting next to the one i loved worshiping the God who made us, but out of no where i just felt this rush of peace.

i was forgiven. 

what happened in the past doesn't matter to God. He had never kept a record of my wrongs. just a record of His rights.
having sex before i was married was a mistake, but one He forgave me of.

i realized that night that all the lies i let come into my heart were just lies. and they weren't welcomed anymore.

i felt the Lord tell me that it was ok, and that He loved me.
so so so much.

i am humbled by Gods love for me.
and His ability to see past me, and get right to my heart.

i'm currently doing the overcome the lie, 40 day challenge and this morning was all about love. and how we need to repeat to ourselves that God seriously loves us.

i read the devotional with relief this morning.
because i know He loves me.
more than i know actually.

we're human beings. we're going to make mistakes and God knows that. He made us remember.
but the trick is to not let those mistakes define who you are.

instead, be defined by the love of a Savior.
the love of a God who created the oceans and stars.

if you haven't check out overcome the lie. you need to.

and to all my mistake're loved girlfriend. more than you'll ever know.


Emily Patten said...

Such a beautiful post, Megan. I feel like I say that about all of your posts. You hit my heart in the perfect way every time. Thank you.

Bethany said...

This is so beautiful in such an astounding way, mostly because it was like reading my own story. They aren't the same stories yet we are both loved by an amazing, loving and faithful God. The God of the universe who pours His love on us like a hurricane.

kristyn said...

this is BEAUTIFUL. seriously. i can feel your heart and love shining right through this. you are so dear to the King and nothing on earth could ever change that. i'm so glad you finally feel His Grace in this area of your life! that is wonderful news.

i wrote post about this a few weeks ago, because although E and i are waiting for marriage, i'm so sad that often times those who don't wait feel shamed for it. our value does not lie in our sexuality, our decision to sleep with someone; our value is redeemed in Christ and His indestructible Love :)

here's a link to what i wrote if you are interested:

thank you for writing this! i hope other young women see this and recognize how incredible God's love for them is :)

grace & love,

Julie said...

SO thankful you shared this. Honestly, this was so brave! I have a huge heart for purity and even though I haven't had sex yet, I've done other things I'm not proud of before I found Jesus. I'm now so passionate about purity, but this was an amazing reminder that some people can take a negative message from it if they don't feel "pure". I am so thankful that God gave you that peace you needed and made you realize you are worthy, loved, and forgiven. Your heart is so beautiful!

PS- Arms Open Wide is an AMAZING song. Love it!

Jessica Jean-Marie said...

Thank you for being honest & sharing your heart. I, too, did not wait. I bounced around from guy to guy thinking I was 'in love' ... then Garrett came into my life. And I felt as though I wasn't good enough for him because he had chosen to wait, and I hadn't. This post has inspired me to write about my own story. I shouldn't be afraid of judgement, because like you said we are forgiven!

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Kasey said...

I loved that you shared this! I found your blog through the Girl Behind the Blog Linkup. I loved hearing about how the Lord helped you overcome! You are so forgiven and so am I.
"Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy.
He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever.
He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor punished us according to our iniquities.
For as the heavens are high above the earth,
So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him;
As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us." Psalm 103:9-12

Angela said...

Thank you for sharing this!! I feel like a lot of women have this mindset, and it's very common...but sooo not the case. We can do NOTHING that is beyond God's forgiveness.

Amanda Schroeder said...

Alright, I was lead to your blog & I'm so happy I did. You are an AMAZING writer. I am always looking for honest bloggers. They're hard to come by, really. But thank you for posting this. You are an amazing person & I hope you have been able to forgive yourself, move past it, and never take it with you.


Amanda Schroeder said...

Alright, I was lead to your blog & I'm so happy I did. You are an AMAZING writer. I am always looking for honest bloggers. They're hard to come by, really. But thank you for posting this. You are an amazing person & I hope you have been able to forgive yourself, move past it, and never take it with you.


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