Thursday, July 19, 2012

trust and His patience

can i be honest here?
sometimes i wonder how God puts up with me.

seriously. there are times when i whine and complain so much about things that i can only imagine what's going on in heaven.
i bet they all gather around and get popcorn to watch the "megan meltdown of the month" (because if we can be honest again, that's how often it happens).
maybe it's a movie night for them.

and then at the end i bet they (when i say they i mean God and Jesus and all the other cool kids in heaven) sit around and remark about how easily i give up on things. and how if i had only had a little bit more trust in Him that i would be ok.

because honestly, sometimes it's hard to not have things go my way exactly when i want them too.

and i have no idea where i get it from.

i was raised to know better than to just throw a fit at 23 about something not working out the way i want it to. my parents never raised me to think that i could and will get everything i want. growing up (and still now) i'm taught by my parents to know that if i want something, i have to work at it. nothing is supposed to be a walk in the park.

so where am i getting this spoiled brat attitude? where am i getting the idea that life is supposed to be handed to me on a silver platter?

my answer.

that whole discussion is for another post, but short version: when did we become a society that things everything is ours for the taking when ever we want?

this is where i'm wondering how on earth God has the amount of patience He does for His especially.

time after time i find myself throwing this pity party, because something didn't go according to my plan. but thankfully my Father in Heaven has patience with me, to see me through the problem and make it better.

this past monday i had made an appointment to meet with a graduation advisor (i'm scheduled to be done with UCF in december). i talked to the nice lady who recommended that for tuesdays meeting i print out my degree audit (has all the class i've taken and what i need to take blah blah).

so i go online and print it out.

while it's printing i noticed this ugly red - sign next to a class that i already took.
i wondered what the heck was going on because i took the class and got a c (not my best performance obviously, but i hated the class).

so i go and look at all my grades.

and that's when i see that annoying - sign next to the C for the class.

here's what you need to know: i already registered for fall classes. i was set to graduate in december. 

my stomach dropped. and the tears came flowing out of my eyes.
i sat there staring at that (insert choice word here) minus sign, which is really a couple of points when it comes down to it, wondering how the heck this thing came to be in the way of my graduation.

a couple of points would prevent me from graduating.

here's what i didn't do initially. 

seriously. i was so beyond mad i can't even begin to explain to you. i wasn't mad at God, no i was mad at everyone else. the professor for putting the C there, my advisor for not brining it up...but of course i didn't put myself in there at all.
oh no, i didn't earn that C-, someone else must have.

i spent the remainder of the night as grumpy as imaginable.

and then came tuesday.

i spoke with the nice graduation lady about the little pickle i was in, and she kindly directed me to my advisor (it's like a cat and mouse game in college with advisors and trying to get something done, let's just be honest here).

so that's when i wrote this begging and pleading email to my advisor about what a bone head i am.

and that's when it hit me.

no one else had received that C- just me. 
i put forth so little effort for the class so i totally deserved the grade i got.

and this is when i got my head out of my rear end and prayed.

i had read that morning romans 12:12 which paul tells us to
be joyful in hope; 
patient in affliction, 
and faithful in prayer. 

oh. pray.

so i did.

i begged God to forgive me for being a brat, and to have His hand in the situation. i told Him that i trusted His will for my life.

but if we can be honest again, i'm not sure i believed it.

the thing was, is that if i did get into the class, it would be a tuesday/thursday class which would mean i would have to drive over to orlando 5 days a week.
it's an hour drive.
gas waste much?

so of course i started to panic over money.

when was i supposed to work?
how could we afford school and all the gas?

and then came today.

i received an email from my advisor informing me that she could "over ride" me into the class.

i thanked God.

i then quickly went to register for the class. all set.

and then i thought, for the heck of it, let's just see if my monday/wednesday/friday class is available for tuesday and thursday (ps, i had checked a million times before and it wasn't).

i hit "search" to see that there was 

are you getting all this???

not only did He provide the class for me, but i was able to switch my other class so i only have to go into orlando two days a week instead of five.

i assume that today, was the big finale for them up there.
and i can't help but to think they were clapping once i put it all together like He intended.

when things are really hard, it's ok to admit that trusting God is tough. because it is.
unlike Him, we can't see what's going to happen in the future. and because we are humans, the first reaction is to freak.

but what i'm learning is that it can't keep happening.

i think i knew deep down that God would make a way for all this to work out for me. how could He not?

He created the universe, of course He could get me into this class. 

i think the most important thing is that i know all this happened because God is faithful and patient with me.

God saves us when we need Him. He's up there watching, so He never misses anything. we just have to trust in Him.

yes it's hard because unlike God, our patience is the size of a thimble. but i think if you're like me, and working on it, God will provide.

because He always does.

i'm thankful for a patient and providing God.

all my love, 


Becky [Apples of Gold] said...

This took me back to my college days and reminded me of all the things God did to help me when I was freaking out. He's definitely a GREAT God. Very very patient indeed... I'm glad things worked out for you!!

Laney Ellen said...

You sound a lot like me :) maybe that's why I love your blog so much! They must watch the weekly delaney meltdown ;) sometimes daily!

Tiffany Miller said...

Thank goodness He is faithful, even when we are not. It's amazing how quickly we forget to go to the one who created it all before we try to fix it all ourselves. Sometime we just need all other options to be removed so we only have Him to turn to. Thank you God for being out rescuer!

This post really spoke to me! Thanks for sharing!

Lauren said...

my life verse.
know the feeling.
this week even.
thanks for your openness & encouragement!

xo love you friend.

Mila said...

this is so me! i love this post! just this friday something happened where i didnt pass a test i really needed to. luckily you can take it again. but i was highly discouraged, throwing a fitbecause i didnt pass the first time and how i twould affect xyz. i know what you mean exactly! more trust is what we need...before believing the lies of the enemy or our emotions that easily deceive us. thank you!
xoxo mila

Katie Cook said...

LOVE this! Thank you so much for sharing! Love your blog and can't wait to follow:) love Katie

Melanie said...

this is an amazing, amazing post. and challenging. so glad i found your blog.

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