i took an amazing
influence network class by
susie davis on hearing from God in every day life. something, before the class, i really struggled with.
i've always been the kind of girl who needs things to be very black and white. there's no grey area. and so when i heard people saying they "heard God speak" i figured it was His voice. clear as day. speaking like you can hear a friend on the telephone.
wrong.
the thing is, that God sometimes speaks in the most unconventional ways. through music, maybe not even christian music, through nature, or people around us, blogs, facebook status updates...if i believe that He is every where, and in every thing, why didn't i believe He could speak through them.
at the end of the class susie told us to wake up in the morning with wonder, and tell God to speak to us.
and i didn't.
yep. no wake up and "speak to me Lord" conversation took place.
He just did it.
i just started reading
the pursuit of God by a.w.tozer and the second chapter is titled, "the blessedness of possessing nothing". it's the sermon we've all heard before, have nothing and Jesus will give you every thing. but something clicked for me.
"the way to deeper knowledge of God is through the lonely valleys of soul poverty and abnegation of all things."
soul poverty.
he writes about abraham and isaac. and the love abraham had for his son, and how much he held up his son. he references genesis 22:2 when God tells abraham to give his son up, the son he loves so much, as a burnt offering. abraham of course follows God's command, and in doing so, God does not take his son from him.
"now he was a man wholly surrendered, a man utterly obedient, a man who possessed nothing."
i wondered what i possessed. what lies in my heart that i just can't let God have.
money?
trust?
confidence?
i prayed. asking God to show me where i needed to let this all sink in. what was in my life that i need to let go.
this morning i prayed the quote above. longing for my soul to be deprived of anything that isn't God. asking Him to speak to me about what i need to let go of.
i was writing in my journal and then just started writing about the past. how i want to be free from it all. i want the things that have happened to me melt away with His grace. i need to let the people who used to be in my life go. let go of the bad feelings. the what if's or what could have's.
{thank you disney}
God was showing me that i needed to keep looking forward. that the past is done. i can't ever change it, nor will He ever change it. everything happened for a reason. the friends lost, the sins made, the arguments that were had. the yucky stuff no one likes to talk about. it's all in the past for a reason.
and so then i started on my
she reads truth plan for the day and it was about lot's wife.
who God had saved from the burning city of sodom and gomorrah.
and all He instructed them to do was run from the city.
and don't look back.
"but lot's wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt." genesis 19:26
AND I HEARD THE LORD SPEAK.
in that moment i realized that God had been talking all morning to me. through the book, and His word, to she reads truth. all of it was Him.
telling me to not look back.
i'm thankful that God hasn't turned me into a pillar of salt for always looking back.
who knows what lot's wife turned back to see, but it doesn't matter because she disobeyed God.
ouch.
every time i dwell on the past, i'm disobeying God.
not looking forward, not trusting in His path He's made for me.
and so.
today.
i stop.
i won't be looking back again like lot's wife.
because really, there isn't anything to change.
i am thankful for a God who speaks to me through ten different ways, and has me put it all together.
